What The Kitten Dragged In
by Kye Above
Summary: Some months after the defeat of Kira, in which Mello and Matt never died, Mello visits Near's apartment for various reasons. Taking care of himself seems to be taking a toll on Near's sanity and emotionless state and Mello could never be more amused by this. 1: Where is Near's phone? Connected One-Shots. Irregular Updates.
1. Where's The Phone?

**Just an idea that came to mind when I was working off a sugar rush before going to bed. It's a bit crackish, probably more than a bit OOC, but I liked the concept.**

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"What is that?"

Those were the first words of Mello as he entered Near's small apartment without knocking. His eyes had immediately fallen on something orange on top of a domino tower Near was working on. It was like Near had taken apart a ball of string and added the mess on top as a useless decoration. Suddenly, the fluff moved and two eyes peaked up and stared straight into Mello's soul.

"It's my kitten." Near hadn't stopped working, even though he was in the presence of someone much greater than him. Mello would have at least glared, but he had yet to break eye contact with the orange fluff-ball. The kitten curled out of it's resting position and after a brief stretch, jumped off of the domino castle, causing it to fall. The kitten landed on the couch that Near used as a bed and stared at Mello once again. All this time, Mello hadn't taken his eyes off it, so he missed the look on Near's face when he saw that hours of work had been destroyed. "Light. That was uncalled for." This broke Mello out of his cat induced trance.

"Light? You named him after freaking Light Yagami?" Near looked at him and for the first time in over a decade, Mello saw that Near had a pair of glasses on. So he couldn't say that he was blind to the fact that one did not name their pet, who Mello doubted Near could actually take care of, after Kira. No, he was just stupid.

Near took some of his hair between his fingers and twisted it, a blank look, like always, on his face. But Mello could have sworn he saw hints of humour in Near's eyes. "I couldn't keep Light, like I had wanted, so I got a kitten instead." The amusement that Near was clearly feeling grew as Mello's face twisted in confusion and slight discomfort. Near could tell that Mello's thinking was far worse than what he really meant.

"You wanted to keep him?"

"Studying Mello. That's what I wanted him for. I could have written several books on his state of mind if given the chance." He started clearing a space among the mess in front of him, so that he could start a new project, before continuing. "Though I guess now, the writing of books has been left to you." It wasn't the only thing that Mello was doing then that Near once thought he'd would have done. Mello was acting as L ever since the end of the Kira case, as Near felt the need to give the title over as a constatation prize to Mello. That and he was smart enough to see that there wouldn't be very many interesting cases for a while after the Kira case. "By the way, I just finished reading your latest book. I found that it was intriguing like always."

Mello scoffed, having always thought that the appreciation that Near showed for his writing was faked, just like every other emotion he displayed. Mello assumed that the only reason Near actually read them was that he had nothing else to do with his life. What he didn't know was that Near honestly enjoyed the books that Mello had written due to lack of cases, and really wished for Mello to see that.

"Of course you would."

Near looked away from Mello and started piling dominos in front of him, eyeing Kitty-Light as he did. He was sure that the kitten had jumped in just a way that he would knock it down, as Near knew that Kitty-Light was able to get off and on them without trouble since they were so well built. Near denied to himself that maybe he had just done a worse job on his positioning than he normally did. Then he remembered that he was supposed to be talking with Mello."Mello, what is the reason you came here? It's unlike you."

Mello crossed his arms and glared. Near could almost feel it. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Mello glance at Kitty-Light, who was watching the scene with great attention, before turning his hard gaze turned back to Near. "You weren't answering your phone, so Halle made me come check on you. Of course, you seem perfectly fine." He then eyed the kitten again, his frown deepening. "Other than having that beast prowling around, that is."

Near actually paused in his building at these words. Mello had just outright insulted his kitten. The insults towards him he could take with ease, but this was just unacceptable. "Just because Mello does not like cats, it doesn't mean Mello is given the right to insult my pet." He then started crafting again, but sloppier.

Mello rolled his eyes and, pushing the kitten out of the way, sat down on the couch. Mello could have sworn that the cat glared at him, but he brushed that fact aside. "I find cats annoying. They wreck everything, are picky, aren't very affectionate, and when they are, it's when you don't want the attention." Almost like his words had brought it on, Kitty-Light jumped up onto Mello's shoulder and started rubbing against his head. Mello pushed him off, with the alternative being picking him up and throwing him at Near, which would have caused more problems in the long run. "Dogs are much better."

Near smirked and grabbed some of his hair, twisting it oddly. Mello could have sworn that a bird was briefly brought into the Cat vs. Dog debate. "Dogs shit all over the place. Cats go in a box. I'd much rather clean a box of sand then a carpet." Kitty-Light nodded in agreement, something that Mello missed because he was too busy glaring darkly at Near. Near continued on when he decided that Mello was too busy deciding whether or not to hit him. "But I can see why we would have these preferences. Our conflicting personalities match up quite well with our preferred animals. And I know that you can't disagree with that reasoning."

All Mello did was huff in defeat, though he didn't consider it one. Anyway, It would be beneath them both to get into a fight over animals like they used to as children. "So why didn't you answer when Halle called?" He wanted to know the reason why he had been forced to come here when he could have been working on his new story idea, or hanging out with Matt. He'd much rather play video games than spend time in the company of Near.

Near let out what almost sounded like a nervous laugh, but Mello knew that he really hadn't laughed at all, since he knew him much too well. He once again stopped building, twirling the domino in his fingers. "My remaining phone is unable to take calls. If you want to know why, look in the kitchen, as I would be unable to explain it properly." From beside Mello, Kitty-Light smirked as much as a cat could.

"Okay, I'll look. It better be a good reason." Mello stood up and made the short walk to the kitchen, which was only separated from the living area by a wall. His eyes searched the cramped space, looking for presumably for a pile of broken phone pieces, as that was the only explanation that came to mind for it being unusable. Finding nothing, he was about to yell at Near when something caught his eye.

There was a paint brush beside the sink, which he noted was filled up with water. It was the only thing that wasn't neatly put away in the cupboards. Mello was slightly curious as to why Near would leave something so unusual for him to even have out and misplaced. He walked over and picked it up, and the first thing he noted was that it had been used recently and ruffly at that. He looked at the handle and saw a name engraved on it.

"Linda?" He thought of the brown eyed brunette girl that almost always had a sketchbook in one hand, and a pencil in the other. He knew her from Wammy's House, and they had been friendly rivals, but they had never been particularly close. Near on the other hand, had been regarded by those at Wammy's House as her pet human, since she often treated him like one, some times to hilarious extremes. It would only make sense that the paint brush belonged to that same girl. "Near! Was Linda here?"

Instead of a reply, he heard the sounds of Near actually getting up. Within seconds Near was walking up behind him. Mello noted that he still walked with a slight limp. He had forgotten that Near even had one. Near was standing right beside him, and Mello was feeling much taller than he actually was, before he answered Mello's question.

"Yes, she was. She was in town for an art show." He then plucked the paint brush from Mello's grasp. "The wrecking of this paint brush was her son's work. He's only a little over a year old, and his mother accidentally left some of her good paint brushes out. I don't know why she would have left it here." If Mello was surprised that Linda had a son, he didn't show it. Now that his thoughts had been confirmed, his mind was back on the supposedly unusable phone.

"So where's your phone? I don't see it anywhere. Are you just lying to cover up the fact that you were too lazy to even reach for a phone that you were told to keep with you at all times?" All Near did was point at somewhere beside Mello. He looked and saw the sink, filled with murky, dark water and a few stray bubbles. Mello raised an eyebrow. Had Near seriously dropped it in the sink?

He didn't even bother to check, since it was evident that living alone had caused Near's massive intelligence to drop. He looked over at said man-child, who was twisting his hair and looking away from him, like he was embarrassed. And all Mello could do was laugh at the humanity of it.

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**I might write more stories too this if I feel the inspiration, since there are few jokes I was unable to use that I wanted to. If not, I'll change it to complete.**


	2. Why is Mello depressed?

"It seems Mello has decided to return."

From his place on the balcony ledge, Kitty-Light paused in his grooming and stared first at the golden blond getting off his motorcycle below in the parking blow, and than at the much shorter platinum blond, who was staring off into the distance, with a very bored look on his face. Near had given up temporarily on building his towers, since Kitty-Light had decided to make a game out of knocking them down.

Both wondered whether or not Mello would look up, and while Kitty-Light decided that he wanted to see Mello's face when he saw his two mortal enemies looking down on him, Near came to the conclusion that Mello was more concentrated on getting to his apartment then he was on looking up.

Neither Near or Kitty-Light knew what Mello's exact reason for visiting Near was. It could have been to give him a few new phones, but Near was sure someone else would have came if that was the only case. There was also the possibility that Mello was coming to interrogate some of Near's neighbours, who were old friends of both Mello and Near, using the term 'friend' lightly. Those two had started some professional criminal work after all.

Not likely, though. If there was anyone Mello wanted to avoid more than Near, it was Axel, and by extension of a relationship, Coe as well. So of course, Mello was here for Near.

Picking Kitty-Light up, much to the protest of the furball, Near stepped back inside of the warm apartment, to await Mello's complaining and yelling. He wondered what Mello would think when he saw the mess that had been made and that Near hadn't bothered to pick up. He then wondered what Mello would think if he knew that Near did make messes and knew how to clean them up.

Mello had likely ran up the stairs at the speed of Light, because moments after Near began these thoughts, his estranged childhood friend burst into the apartment, almost as fast as he had been going when he hit Near with a car. Near quickly let his face fall blank once again, as not to worry him.

Still huffing, Mello leaned against the wall and glared at both Near and Kitty-Light.

"This place...should have….an elevator! You have a small excuse to not leave this apartment building, that's for sure." Mello finally caught his breath, and stopped using the wall for support. But his glare didn't falter, but intensified, especially when Near began to speak.

"I do leave this building, Mello. More often that you probably think. The stairs aren't a problem if you don't run." Near took some of his hair, in the fingers of the hand attached to the arm that wasn't holding onto Kitty-Light, and started twirling through it. Mello growled slightly, and then caught sight of the living room/bedroom area.

"Did you and the beast have a party?" Mello then scoffed, and smirked. "Of course not! Your neighbours just hated you, didn't they? Who could like you?" He then walked past Near, pushing him out of the way a bit, and sat down on the couch, tossing the bag he was carrying into the surrounding mess. He took out a chocolate bar to calm his nerves.

Walking over and placing Kitty-Light behind Mello's head, Near sat down on the edge of the couch, and surveyed the mess, once again. It really had gotten out of hand.

"No Mello. My neighbours don't mind me at all. Many of them actually find me….cute and endearing; In their own words and worlds." Near finally spoke, though only answering to one of the statements. Mello ignored him, and continued eating his chocolate, staring off into the distance. Something was obviously troubling him.

"Mello, has a case gone bad? Too many people criticizing your latest book? I know that many people don't believe it's the truth." He asked, trying to show actual concern, but his monotone stuck. Mello didn't look at Near, but he did reply.

"My books are fine. And there are no cases." Then he showed the anger he was really feeling, and so fast that Near didn't even have the time to comprehend the approach, Mello slapped Near. "That's the problem! No cases! Other than minor crimes that are easily solvable by amateurs, there hasn't been a single case."

"You must be terribly bored." Near commented. As the platinum blond rubbed his cheek, Mello went on another rant.

"Of course! All I have to do all day is write, or play video games with Matt. He always wins, and he knows he will. And Matt's been trying to date lately, so I haven't often got him anymore. And your former SPK members are more concerned for your well-being than mine." Mello held up his hands in mockery. "It's always 'Near always did this'! 'Near used to do that'! 'I hope Near hasn't accidentally or purposely killed himself!'!" Mello suddenly stopped, thinking of something. "Near, what went on between you and Gevanni? He seemed extra concerned"

"No comment."

"Of course." Mello huffed, and rolled his eyes, before he remembered something vital about Near and shivered. He really didn't want to think about it now. "But you knew all this would happen, didn't you? You wouldn't have given me the now meaningless position of L otherwise." To see Mello seemingly lose the will to live was either darkly humorous, or depressing. Near decided on neither, but knew that Mello couldn't just live like that.

"Well, maybe I actually gave you the position of L so I'd have competition of sorts when I become the new Kira." Mello's head shot up, and looked at Near to tell if his was just bluffing, or if he was completely serious.

"You're joking."

"You know very well that I don't often joke."

Kitty-Light had started smirking again, at the thoughts of Near becoming a new Kira. It was a shame though that Mello knew Near's face and name, as well as that he had thoughts of being the new Kira. All Mello had to do was get his hands on a Death Note, or a bit of evidence, and Near's short reign would end.

"I thought we made a deal with the Shinigami King concerning the dropping of Death Notes. Where are you going to get one?" Mello sneared, finally deciding that Near was full of crap.

"I have at least two of them somewhere in this mess." Was Near's quick comeback. Mello just laughed finally, and stood up, throwing his chocolate bar wrapper into the rest of tragedy of the room. "Are you leaving?"

"Definitely. I only came here to drop off your new phones, and slap you for your trickery. Speaking of that…" He slapped Near once again. "That's for trying to make me believe that you could ever get as low as Kira was." He then walked away, towards the door, not realizing tha the yowl that Kitty-Light made was because Mello had insulted him. Mello wouldn't have cared even then.

"I wrote down Mikami's name to ensure victory, and the names of the entirety of the Westboro Baptist Church since Kira never did, in one of the Death Notes, I kept Death Notes that were meant to be burnt - Even though Axel has proven that won't actually work and it just constantly respawns pages; Upside, great for camping - and I named my cat after Kira. Do you really think I couldn't do it?"

"Never."

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**Here's a joke for you: Where do Death Note users go when they die? Mew! (Mu)**


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